Friendship breakups are sometimes overlooked and downplayed. You might hear a lot of people tell you that you’ll ‘sort things out’ one day, but this minimises how devastating losing a best friend can be. Romantic relationships come and go, but your best friend is supposed to always be there.
It's one thing for two people to simply grow apart or lose contact, it still hurts but you can say it's a natural part of life. However, when the friendship was filled with toxicity it's harder to pass off as a 'falling out' and may require some deep healing. This type of friend breakup is what we'll be talking about in this article.
What leads to the breakdown of a friendship? Like relationships, friendships can be one-sided, with one person accepting the bare minimum and putting in all the effort to make things work. In extreme cases, the friendship can become toxic and abusive. This can lead to the same feelings of disappointment, sadness, anger and resentment that sometimes arises when a romantic relationship is coming to an end.
Often times, both friends are in a cycle where they're equally engaging in unhealthy and passive aggressive behaviours, at that point it's probably best to either call it quits or talk it out to come to a resolution. Sometimes though, the toxicity is coming from one side only. This can be challenging to cope with, especially if there’s a wider group that picks sides between the two friends. This herd mentality of picking sides can end up making one person feel isolated, betrayed, lonely and silenced.
How do you get over the friend breakup? It’s important to take care of your mental wellbeing the same way you would after a toxic relationship. Don’t ignore your feelings. Don’t disregard them. Don’t convince yourself that you're overreacting. You might feel like you need to stay friends simply because you've known them for a long time, or because you don't think you'll be able to meet new people. Remember that some people just aren’t meant to be in your life, no matter how much history you have with them.
How do you take care of your mental wellbeing?
- Be kind to yourself.
- Take one day at a time.
- Allow yourself to feel and process the hurt.
- Get your thoughts out either verbally, or write them down.
- Spend time doing things you enjoy, either alone or with people who genuinely care about you.
- Stand firm in your boundaries and don’t let anyone gaslight you.
- Move your body, eat well, stay hydrated and do physical self care activities.
- If you want to go no contact but can’t because you share some of the same friends, try to have at least one friend either inside or outside of the group that you can lean on.
- If you choose to go no contact with a whole friendship group, make sure you have a support system elsewhere.
- Don’t feel guilty about your decision, show yourself compassion and understanding.
You're not alone in this situation, I've been through it too. Remember that this feeling won’t last forever and you'll be okay in the end. I can promise that you WILL make new friends, and you'll absolutely flourish once you let go of the people that have been holding you back.
